Neither good sir!

The bowl looks strangely full of water before they put anything in! Its almost as if they have a block in the pipe to allow this extra water.....because after the flush, the water is at a lower level!!

Explain that? You cant! Tides go in, tides go out!

>> ^GenjiKilpatrick:

..Either you lack a fundamental understanding of how toilets work.. or you live in a country which apparently poops directly on cold porcelain..
You wouldn't happen to be german, would you?
>> ^charliem:
I suspect shenanigans.....why is the bowl half full of water before they dump their test load into the thing....and after it flushes theres a normal small level in the bottom of the well?
Does this thing not perform as well when its not pre-loaded with a.....shit load....of water before hand?

..Either you lack a fundamental understanding of how toilets work.. or you live in a country which apparently poops directly on cold porcelain..

You wouldn't happen to be german, would you?

>> ^charliem:

I suspect shenanigans.....why is the bowl half full of water before they dump their test load into the thing....and after it flushes theres a normal small level in the bottom of the well?
Does this thing not perform as well when its not pre-loaded with a.....shit load....of water before hand?

Half a toilet ? what is that the expensive one use porcelain shitter ?

And then you eat something spicy, and you'll be regretting not having some porcelain cover for the... s*it storm.

Böttger was a German Alchemist held against his will and forced to turn lead to gold - since he obviously couldn't do it - He discovered porcelain when he was stalling in order to save his life. He spent most of his years in prison and was forced to work.

Any money he made was stolen from him and his Porcelain discoveries were also stolen.
When he was finally released, he died from yet-unrealized sub-standard lab environments and exposure to poisonous chemicals such as lead and cobalt.

The point is, as an Alchemist (the oldest Philosophy in the world today that out-dates ancient Egypt and even the Chinese dynasties), Böttger was forced to life imprisoned for that Philosophy and inadvertently discovered the arcanum, or secret formula, for making porcelain.

Read the book - It's a good read:
The Arcanum: The Extraordinary True Story
See link above...
>> ^bareboards2:

Upvoting for minute one and later -- loved seeing the artisans work.
As for this being on the philosophy channel?? What percentage of Sifters understand German enough to know if that is true or not?

i understand commercial viability and all that, but it's still weird to think that this company's website features military-style-kill-'em-haul-'em type robots and household vacuum cleaners. it's crazy, like those "we sell medieval weaponry and vacuum cleaners" type stores, or "we sell men's sportswear and porcelain dragon statuettes"...

she is made from porcelain, saw her live and she was awesome

walking bones
choose your own direction
go have fun
some place else

bring your soul
and your Beach Boys records
I can't stand
to have you here

so worn out
cold and dehydrated
the fortune is spent
and dad is in space

every home should have a mom in love
and a daddy in space
chinese porcelain cats
to guard her love
in the window space
show her some respect
she's all worn down

for years to come
I will not forget you
as my son
as my pain

time will heal
what now feels so wounded
tears are spilled
and the holes will fill

every home should have a mom in love...

>> ^budzos:
This thought is pretty much always on my mind. All that sits between my anus and the cold white porcelain of the bowl is a thin layer of tp and a very fortunately placed massive finger.


alright ill stop even tho i crack myself up.

Phil Juiptus: What kind of a hellish quiz is this?

Stephen Fry: Fair point.

Pj: What one is the odd one out? None of them! bahahahhahah.

Sf: Aren't we clever.

Sf: Hey, is that me?

Pj: That's you.

Sf: Ohhhh bugger you. I don't sound like that.

--New scene--

Sf: Would that it where.

Pj: would that it where stephen, would that it where?

Sf (interjecting): Going all rob.. robinson, are would that it where, would that it where, oh sushen ticthen(?)

Pj: one for mother and only son.

--New scene--

Pj: You'd be rampaging through down town Tokyo, "BAHAHHAH", "no a museum!"

--New scene--

Pj: Stephen what are you doing in that bathroom? "I'm putting it to go one way, I'm putting it to go the other. I'm the master of the bath, hahahahah"

--New Scene--

Pj: Stephen doesn't have beer googles, he has madeira pas nez. (madeira glasses)

Pj: "Oh your a cracker, more madeira?" "a small sherry?"

--New scene--

Sf: Your the ones who suggested coins, I'm saying a kettle for example, or any other cooking...

Pj (interjecting): One one has a kettle like that! what you plugging? Look at it. We don't all live in a fluffy Duffy Dickensian world of charm like you.

Sf: well,

Pj: Oh there goes the kettle, and on the aga.

Sf: Its a perfectly sensible way of cooking food and preparing meals, and it keeps the kitchen warm.

Pj: No wonder fucking twinnings had you pal.

Sf: I feel a man...

Pj: of proper kettles, and porcelain tea, bahahh, china. England! Cricket!

Alan davies: Can you do an advert where you're cleaning a kettle with some brown sauce.

Sf: I jolly well will now.

Pj: Stephen fry, for HP, bahahhahaha

--New scene--

Sf: so we have had two blueffs, I should do that shouldn't I? ahah

Pj: would that it where Stephen, would that it where.

--New scene--

Sf: thats not the kinda thing I like...

pj: he actually had a bentley skateboard made of tea tray, "fine, original Birmingham wheels"

Sf: I had a space hopper. Well I did.

Pj: Baha baha baha baha, "nearly to (a place even I can't make out)" Baha baha baha. Mother, a bicycle next time for the love of god.

Pj: Your like nine feet tall!

Sf: well...

Pj: Your knees must have been here, bahaha.

Sf: Not when I was 8.

Jimmy Carr: Turns out it was just a terrible hemroid..

--New scene--

Sf: When I went to university, me and my friend hugh laurie shared a house, and we had a bit of work doing, and our plasterers, do you know who they where?

Ad: Cannon and ball.

Sf: Charlie higson and Paul whitehouse where our plasterers.

Ad: and you where there inspiration, for so many characters.

Pj: steven the fellas in the hall are awfully funny.

Sf: Right, I'm telling, you're bad.

Pj: what do you say we listen in on them, and, err, nick a few jokes.

So where's my power point for translating from English to English?

You mean I finally get to do my first *quality? Woohoo! Drinks are on me.


Ok, so this was years ago, and I was at a friend's birthday party. I had lost a significant amount of weight because I would bicycle everywhere, and I hadn't been out drinking. So I decide, damnit man, ahm Scah-ish, and I'm goun ta drink meh ancestor's drink! So I get a fifth of Cutty Sark and start doing shots. Now, not having ever tried Scotch but once prior to that night, I have to tell ya. It's liquid peat moss. Or maybe just Cutty Sark is. I don't know. But as with any liquor, once you get the first few shots down, you don't even taste or care anymore. So I proceed to drink about more than 1/2 the bottle, as well as a few beers...

So let me lay the scene for you here. We've got a small 1 bedroom apartment crowded with about 30 people. The stereo is up high, and after about 3 hours, I've made it to a chair at the dining room table. I start to get dizzy, so I put my elbows on the table, interlock my fingers and rest my chin in my hands, as I'm looking out into the room. And EVERYTHING is going up and down, in and out, and swirly. You know, like a merry-go-round? I can also hear every word at each of the conversations which were taking place around the room, as well as in whatever song was playing at the time. I don't even remember who eventually was around me but people were saying stuff like "Oh man, look how white he is!" "Dude, you need to go to the bathroom..." And I'm going "No, it's ok. I'm not gonna puke...I'm not gonna"

The last thing I saw was vomit shooting through my interlaced fingers.

So what do you do? Just put yourself there for a minute. Your that fucked up and you just start throwing up. Yup, I cupped my hands together to lean forward and make a bowl with my hands.

Now, physics was the LAST thing on my mind at this point. I forgot a critical variable: volume. Needless to say, I got. it. everywhere. All over the cake, in the ashtrays, people's cigarettes, in people's drinks, on people. Someone told me later I looked like a fire hydrant with an obstruction in the way. Luckily almost everyone there was a friend, so I survived a potential beating. (But at the cost of the ribbing I still take to this day )

So they throw me in the bathroom. Now, I'm conscious enough to know that I don't want someone pissing next to my face as I bow before the Porcelain God, so I lock the door. And promptly pass out. Eventually I finally wake up enough to open the door, and am promptly hauled out passed the line that formed, and am unceremoniously dumped on the bed. The only recollection I have of the rest of the night, is waking up several times lying face down, my hands and arms in the "goalpost" formation, and my head to pointing to the left. Have you ever gotten tired of lying in one position? I lifted my head, just to turn it to the right and got the whole Ferris Wheel action from before. So I kept passing out unable to turn my head.

Next morning, incredibly, I had no hangover. However, that is the only night in my life where I have no recollection of events. You could say I blew the dog and I'd have to take your word on it.

Ah well...it's good for a laugh.

Humor aside, I just spoke with my friend Chris who's about to finish his post-second-tour-stop-loss in May.

He talks about porcelain toilets the way most of us talk about girls.

Coffee.

And I´d reach into my pocket again for a mug
Maybe the rest of the road to the 12 grand is paved in porcelain?

EDIT - Actually, instead of just listing it, I'll copy out my descriptions of them too since I already wrote this up for another forum:


1. The Flashbulb - Soundtrack to a Vacant Life | Instrumental | 4.5/5

Simply put, a seamless, sweeping epic of genres that dabbles in everything from sombre piano ballads, to upbeat flamenco, caustic electronica, serene ambience, rhythmic percussive tribal drum sections and haunting string sections, imposing every possible emotion on the listener. If anything, the sole weakness is that the rough 2-3 minute length of each of the 31 songs means they don't work so effectively as standalone compositions but as verses in a protracted poem, making the idea of listening to the entirety of it a tad daunting.


2. Protest The Hero - Fortress | Progressive Metal | 4.5/5

Metal that while relatively intricate yet melodic enough and hell, catchy enough to avoid divulging into incomprehensible technical wankery. Lyrics abound with references to goddesses and dethroned kings but it's decidedly tongue in cheek. Perhaps the biggest weaknesses resides in a lack of coherence, a tendency for the album to mesh together as a string of riffs, with little sense of a recurring chorus or verses within songs, but then you can take that as a plus depending on how you look at it. Besides that and a couple of immensely obnoxious vocal lines it's a pretty solid effort all around.


3. Blue Sky Black Death - Late Night Cinema | Instrumental Trip-hop | 4.5/5

One of the least expected surprises this year for me, partly because I generally despise anything that relates in any way to hip-hop or remixes yet I was sold on first listen. It’s just such a supremely chilled out but simultaneously melodically multilayered album which weaves hip-hop/trip-hop styling with a fairly significant utilisation of violins, trumpets, keyboards and an organ, capping it off with a distinct jazz tinge.


4. In Mourning - Shrowded Divine | Melodic Death Metal | 4/5

Genre-wise they’re probably best described as melodic death metal based but with progressive and doom influenced sections, reminiscent of Opeth, but not exactly the same. I initially junked this when I first picked it up but it’s grown on me immensely since then. There’s nothing immediately about them that sticks out as particularly impressive, the riffs aren’t all too complex, the melody isn’t overly diverse. If anything the drumming is quite good and both the harsh and clean vocals are solid. Nevertheless they clearly have a knack for creating memorable melody lines, and many minor touches such as the use juxtaposed clean and harsh vocals of essentially the same lines, coupled with a number of sexy breakdowns and a consistently bleak and permeating tone really make this album memorable in some indescribable way.


5. Transcending Bizarre? - The Serpent's Manifolds | Avant-Garde Black Metal | 4/5

Typical black metal brain mashing, but nicely broken up by violin sections to prevent migraines! Again it really feels like this band just clicks, but that not to say they can’t put out some impressively melodic riffs, and solos or bring it intensity-wise. In terms of criticism, there’s probably too much reliance on violin for a metal album, but that’s a very subjective disparagement, also a select few sections drag a bit ... oh and the intro is obnoxious and highly skipable. Oh and keyboards, oh the humanity! Run for the hills!


6. Thrice - The Alchemy Index - Vol.3 & 4 Air & Earth | Experimental Rock | 4/5

Partially successful but suffers from issues strangely distinct from the first two volumes. Whereas the first two could perhaps be argued to have taken the element concepts too literally both melodically and lyric-wise, this time around there are fairly tentative connections to the elements. With Air there’s simply a heavy use of reverb and echo to create the impression of an expansive soundscape, among a number of other tricks; whereas Earth is merely embodied by heavy use of stripped back and stark acoustic guitar with an American folk grounding. In all, neither really captures the concept as effectively as the haphazard, chaotic, distorting Fire; and if anything the biggest weakness of Air is it doesn’t distance it enough from the seeping smoothness that characterised Water to offer anything particularly distinctive. All in all it still remains an intriguing unconventional attempt with a number of standout songs, particularly the sonnets that outro each of the volumes oddly enough, led by consistently strong vocals.


7. Bar Kokhba Sextet - Lucifer The Book of Angels - Vol. 10 | Jazz | 4/5

I'm not really qualified to comment on or critique jazz as I'm very much a neophyte to it, but this is some excellent stuff.


8. Lights Out Asia - Eyes Like Brontide | Post Rock | 4/5

To me the main element any post rock effort needs to really be effective is a pervasive, consistent atmosphere, which this album abounds with. It doesn't fall into clichés such as blasting you into submission by badgering you with volume changes, or an over reliance on monotonous arpeggios, but builds upon subtle layers of sound to create a vast, rich soundscape of echoing guitars, staccato electronica beats and fleeting vocals.


9. Opeth - Watershed | Progressive Death Metal | 4/5

Disappointingly inconsistent by their standards, but still a pretty solid album all around. Some songs definitely drag massively, and certain parts sound technically overindulging and tiresome particularly the outro to Burden. On the other hand in my humble opinion it also has some of the best songs they have written, the way the progressive acoustic guitar section fades in and out in Porcelain Heart for example is seamlessly mesmerising, Hessian Peel is almost equally memorable. Regardless this is no Blackwater Park unfortunately.


10. Mutyumu - Ilya | Post Rock | 4/5

Post rock doesn't really give this band justice. It's like an odd mix of opera and hardcore Japanese vocals, with heavily piano reliant post rock grounding. Awesome? Somewhat. Half the time its carried by stirring complex but seemingly effortless piano and string sections unfolding at a blistering pace coupled with occasional strangely effective hushed murmurs, yet the other half of the time it cascades into almost unbearable droning repetition. Now given that, Prayer is damn well one of the best post rock songs I have ever heard and it really is a pity that the rest of the album wasn’t equally brilliant. I probably overrate this a tad too but well ... goshdarnit it’s all gotta be about job creation and shoring up our economy.

>> ^burdturgler:
It aint funny when I come in at 3 am and trip over a leash head first into some porcelain


I thought you did that even without a leash:

http://www.videosift.com/video/Dog-attacks-toilet